Friendship Woes...

Lately I’ve been bumping with quite a number of my high school friends. Friends whom I’m used to hang around back then. Friends who suffered together as we stand in the middle of the field rain or shine during marching band practice. Friends who sneaked behind school to have our meals during recess breaks. Friends who gather every weekends to do silly stuffs. How much I’ve enjoy those moments not realizing that in few years time all these would be just memories.

I’m so tired of being asked or told the same things, “Hey Nasir, how you’ve been, long time no see, how come you no longer hang out with us, we shall hang out together sometime”. Yeah right… It’s not like as if I disappeared to nowhere. Infact we are living in the same old neighbourhood. Infact we see each other online on MSN almost everyday just that neither one of us bother to message one another. You know what is the most irritating part in this kind of friendship or situation? Sometimes these people would have gatherings without me knowing and at the end of it they would message me, showing pictures of them having fun and then they would ask one ridiculous thing, “Hey Nasir how come you didn’t join us for the party?” and in my mind I was thinking “What the bloody fuck are you talking? What party? You didn’t tell me so I didn’t bother!!!” but in the end I just replied nonchalantly “Well I’m busy”… Somehow it hurts and it bothers me. I do not want to portray myself to others as someone who abandons or forgets his friends. This sort of things happened regularly that I finally gave up and decided to really abandoned them. I don’t give a fuck, they can call me if they want but in the mean time I rather pretend that nothing happened between us.

Back then, I always try my best to gather all my friends during weekend so that we could have fun and maintain the friendship that we had. They always anticipate when and where the next gathering would be. When they get bored during the holidays they would call me up to plan something, which I don’t really mind doing it. I knew that among my group of friends there are disputes between one group with another. Usually the girls among my group of friends would bicker about the other girls, infact it’s still happening now. I know of a friend who still hates the other girl. I would say it’s lame. The boys on the other hand are hard to track them down, they always go missing somehow. By hook or by crook I still managed to track them down in the end.

Right now, I try not to think too much of my old friends. I try to hold on to the memories that I had with them together. With my new friends which I have found few years ago, many have already move on and some, I’m still struggling to maintain the friendship with them but sooner or later I know, I’ve to let go of them too. It hurts a lot cause these people have made a difference in my life one way or another. There are one or two of friends whom I’m not close to but I do not want to let them go cause I look up to them discreetly. Somehow I wish they knew…

Anyway, whether it hurts or not, life goes on. I’ve decided to eliminate some of my friends from my contacts forever cause I don’t see why I should be wasting space with their names. I would simply add them back if they decided to remember that I still existed. Such is the painful twist one had to take in a friendship… As we grow older, true friends becomes lesser….

But there is still one friend which I’m not done with and will never let go after all these years….


Friends come and go….