Nasehr : The Aunty Slayer

I really hate aunties nowadays. I’m not sure if my medication is making me more hot tempered or is it one of my mood swings. Either way, I had an interesting encounter today.

Today I had an appointment with the doctor to have a medical check up. So I got half day from work but before that I told my team leader that I will visit a particular site and shoot some photos after my appointment.

As usual, if I were to go to NUH for my medical check ups, I would either drive which I try not to, take the cab or the shuttle bus. So today I decided to take the shuttle bus since I’m still early. Now the queue for the shuttle bus at Buona Vista has two lanes. If you’re going to the Main Building you have to queue on the right lane and Kent Ridge Wing on the left. Since I’m heading towards Kent Ridge Wing, I’ll have to queue on the left. The queue wasn’t long but I’ve to wait quite sometime since the bus left without me. The queue on the right is getting longer so some passengers start to trickle into the left lane. It doesn’t matter which lane you queue cause it still leads you to NUH but only different buildings. You just have to cross the bridge to get from one building to the other.

After so many light years, the bus finally came. As I was walking towards the bus, a lady (lets called her SueSlut) who was queuing on the right lane decides to join the left queue midway. Now the problem with NUH shuttle buses is that it could only accommodate 19 seating and 4 standing passengers if I’m not mistaken. Apparently SueSlut has no common sense by right she should have given priority to passengers on the left lane to board the bus and if there is any remaining space available then she is allowed to join the queue. The bus driver noticed her and tried to prevent her from boarding the bus. He was being polite by telling her in a calm manner that she wasn’t in a queue and it’s not fair for other passengers. He directed her to go to the end of the line. She refuses by claiming that she was actually in the left lane but decide to go queue on the right lane since she missed the earlier bus. She even claimed that there are witnesses.

Now I wouldn’t have a problem if she has asked the driver or one the passengers nicely to let her go ahead to join the queue. It’s just wasn’t fair if she cuts the queue midway. The part that really irks me is that she raised her voice claiming for leniency. How skanky can she get? A lady right behind SueSlut was pretty annoyed and said something in Mandarin which I think add more tension to the situation. Now the SueSlut is getting more hysterical claiming for her leniency. I actually told SueSlut to go back to the end of the line as I passed by her. She heard it and she gave that me that “don’t-fuck-with-me-you-bastard” look. In retaliation I gave her “I’m-a-Diva-you’re-just-a-fucking-cunt” look.

So anyway we all board the bus with no injuries whatsoever. What disgust me is that, SueSlut still got to board the bus and she gets to sit down!!! While the remaining passengers got to stand. And she was even more hysterics that before. She looked at me and screamed, “You fucking bastard, the one in black shirt, fucking bastard who do you think you are!!!” It was comical actually because I couldn’t place her accent. It sounded like she is from China but it could be Malaysian or Singaporean. She kept yelling in the bus despite being warned by the driver that she should keep quiet cause he already gave her a chance to board he bus. Oh well she didn’t for the next 15 minutes or so.
I was so pissed off that I yelled back…

Me : Hey lady, you’re endangering the driver ya know. Please keep quiet!!!
SueSlut : Shut up you fucking bastard!!!
Me : Hey bitch shut up will you. Fucking prostitue!!! Bloody Whore.
SueSlut : What did you say? You call me bitch? I’ll sue you. *she turn to the lady who reprimanded her earlier and said*, I’ll sue you too.
Lady : *yelled something back in Mandarin*
SueSlut : I’m patient too you know, how can you do this to me. I’m pregnant what happens if I got miscarriage? I’ll sue you.
Me : Good for you
SueSlut : FUCKING BASTARD
Me : Oh shut up you fucking China Woman!!!!
SueSlut : Kanina Chao cheebye!!! *at this moment I realise perhaps she is not even a China lady haha*
SueSlut : &^%%$E%$%*^&^%^%*^&*^^*& *too lazy to type but she rattles on and threaten to sue the driver, the lady and me*

She keeps quiet thereafter. I wasn’t really bothered bout her threatening, she is probably a nut case. To tell you the truth even if she has miscarriage i wouldn’t care at all besides she doesn’t look really pregnant at all. Besides if she could afford to sue so many people at once then I supposed she could afford to take the bloody cab and not take the shuttle bus and create a scene. I think what really makes her mad is not because of me calling her a slut but rather calling her a China Woman. That really makes her hysterically mad I supposed. She proves it by yelling all the Hokkien vulgarities like as if I couldn’t do better. Oh come on vulgarities is in my blood and soul. The worst thing is that I’ve so many angst accumulated inside me throughout the years, that I wish I could do something physically with my hand. Like squeezing her boobies or tits and twist it and pull it till it comes off. She was lucky she hadn’t got it from me. Fucking whore.

When we got to our destination, she was the first one to disappear. I was actually prepared to face another battle front just in case she decided to continue once the bus stop. So I thought everything ends there.

As I got up to the 4th floor towards Cancer Centre, I heard someone complaining along to corridor. Oh no it couldn’t be her!!! I don’t think she look like a cancer patient. I felt remorse actually but I didn’t bother so I quickly walk into the room. Argh too late. She caught me and start yelling again “That’s the fucking bastard, chao cheebye”. It was embarrassing not for me but for her cause I quickly walk in and gave her that ‘What-a-annoying-bitch’ look. I got through the back corridor and told her bout the situation. I possibly can’t go to the front counter cause SueSlut is there. The nurse find it funny and agreed that she will do all the paper work. I got to walk the rear corridor to get into the Blood Centre. I waited there for awhile, the nurse told me that there is this mad lady outside screaming like a lunatic. I just smiled. I asked if she is a cancer patient and the nurse told me she is not a even a patient. Bloody hell. Now I’m free of guilt, I curse silently. Infact I feel satisfaction.

The bloody thing is that SueSlut was looking for me at the rear corridor cause she saw me walking through it earlier. But I was in Blood Centre perhaps she didn’t see me there. Oh well bollocks. When I got out of the room, I felt like as if everyone is looking at me but what the hell I’ve to pretend I’m the Diva ain’t it? Buggers. But I could be wrong, maybe it was just me assuming that everyone is looking at me. Oh well…

I didn’t manage to see SueSlut thereafter. I hope her boobies gets smaller and by the time new year arrive her bobbies would be as flat as the LCD screen hopefully its titless too.

BLOODY SKANK WHORE!!!!
I’M NASEHR THE AUNTIE SLAYER.
WATCH OUT FOR ME!!!
I’LL SLAY YOUR PERMED HAIR.
REBOND YOUR FUGLY CURLS
I’LL TWIST YOUR TITS
SLAP YOUR WHALLOP ASS
THRASH YOUR FILTHY WET PLASTIC BAGS
SMACK YOUR HEAD FOR HOGGING THE BUS SEATS
DON’T DIG NOSE FOR I SHALL SHOVE MY TOE IN
BOX YOUR EARS FOR WIPING WAX ON THE METAL POLE
YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN’T HIDE
EVERYWHERE YOU GO, I WILL KAYPOH
FROM BEDOK TO GHIM MOH
ANYWHERE, EVERYWHERE, I’LL BE THERE
FROM NTUC TO GUARDIAN HEALTHCARE
BUT WATCH OUT FOR MY MOTHER
RETURNING FROM SHENG SHIONG SUPERMARKET
10 PLASTIC BAGS IN EACH ARM
WALKING TRIUMPHANTLY FROM THE CASHIER
I WONDER IF YOU CAN YOU BEAT HER?

p.s. i'm very nice towards most people but if you start showing any signs of being an Aunty, i will probably have to murder you...