One of those days...

This is one of those days where I’ve to write so many things which occurs during the past few days. No time to blog thus I’ve to blog all those events in one whole entry…

Let’s begin with…

Today I board the train home and its packed as usual. I was standing near the exit door when this guy stood in front of me. This chap is probably an IT nerd cause I can tell from the way he dresses and the laptop briefcase he carries. If he wears a cologne, it would be probably called Pentium No.4. So anyway…he was standing there looking at his reflection on the glass door. Touch his hair, rub his face, tucked in his shirt and so on. Then he start talking to himself, smiling and grinning then he rub his hands together. It’s not a weird sight to me cause I see it all the time but I always feel embarrassed for such people. They should place a plastic or paper bag over their head with two small holes for their eyes and maybe another one for their nose. It’s really funny when you’re caught off guard talking to yourself. I’m not sure if that has happened to me before cause I do talk to myself everyday just that my conversation happens in my head. I wouldn’t be surprise if my fellow colleagues behave the same way and I also won’t be surprised if this guy used to work for the same company as me. He probably went bonkers while with us…

My eyeballs kind of hurt right now. It’s like something is pushing out my eyeballs out from the socket. Another way to describe the pain is like holding a fishball between your fingers and squeezing it hard with your fingers. It’s probably due to staring at the computer for long hours. I’ve been looking at the drawing plan for days now and the words printed are sooooooo small that only ants could read it. I keep on twitching and blinking my eyes like a horny ostrich. The small pathetic plants in front of me is not even helping at all rather it’s wasting space on the desk. I’ve to put on my glasses just to let my eyes ‘breathe’ for awhile after wearing contact lenses for the past few days. I could probably have ‘Lasik’ surgery but I’ve to prostitute myself just to get one eye done. While blind in the other eye, I would prostitute myself again so that I could go surgery for the next eye. Now I wonder what is my market rate? $20 bucks per hour or $200 per hour? Blowjobs, anal jobs, kissing, touching and hugging is not allowed. Only strip. Do you think I can get $200 just to strip my pants?

I just got to know that my colleagues are comparing me with TSL. The guy with the whiney wek-wek voice. They were comparing who is more ‘dao’ or rather the one with the most ‘proud-arrogant-serious’ looking person. I’m not sure who will be ’glorified’ as the most ’dao’ person. Seriously between both of us, I say I could be the winner cos I have that ‘fuck-off-whore-u-bloody-swine-mother-fucking-son-of-a-bitch’ look. I think my forehead has an invisible words which says “FUCK OFF I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU” and only people with ‘third’ eye can see it. Those who can’t are probably the ones I would avoid.

I saw this guy with a tattoo on his arms and legs. I thought it was really ‘B-E-A-utiful’ piece of art. I mean I like tattoos just that I can’t get one and even if I can, I don’t dare to do it. I imagine myself having a big tattoo of a Phoenix on my back. Showing it proudly to the public but when I grow old and my skin shrivelled dry like a prune, the tattoo of the Phoenix becomes a Turkey instead. You know the great difference between a Phoenix and a Turkey? Phoenix is a mythical bird which you read in fable stories whereas a Turkey is something which you have for Christmas or during Burger King Big Breakfast. Anyway I find the fleshy carbuncle which hangs from the beak of the Turkey disgusting. Yuck… So if I were to get a tattoo, I will probably get a small minute one. Probably font size 2 which says SORE LOSER. Perhaps even smaller than this.

I’ve 3 colleagues… no make it 4, who are worth mentioning here. Not mentioning any names cause I don’t know their names in the first place except for one. So instead I’m giving them nicknames. First in the queue is…

General Adolf Hitler aka Hitler. Hitler sits right across the office. Hitler is a Chinese-Indonesian for sure cause I know Hitler’s real name. Sometimes Hitler takes the same bus as me in the morning but on any other days Hitler prefers the tank. Hitler probably goes to gym in the morning at Orchard California Fitness cause Hitler board the bus near to the gym and carries a bag which may contain killer weapons aka Reebok Sport Shoes. Hitler is cute in away cause Hitler got a baby face which you want to make it cry. Hitler is intimidating too especially the looks and the way Hitler walks but I think Hitler is friendly. Hitler got this ‘Come-and-approach-me-I’m-really-nice-but-I’m-a-really-a-psycho’ look. That’s an intro of Hitler at the moment. Heil Hitler…Ich liebe Würste!!!!

Next is General Benito Mussolini aka Mussolini. Mussolini is also a Chinese-Indonesian cause Mussolini speaks Bahasa Indonesia. Mussolini sits behind Hitler but they are not friends. Oh dear, I keep on having a crush on Chinese-Indonesian people that I probably have to like Selly Dermawan too. That mean-nerd *Gasp* So anyway Mussolini has a retro hair do. Very nice and simple nothing fancy not even the sight of Gatsby wax. Mussolini has nice eyes, kinda tall. Mussolini likes to stare in the air while standing next to the printer waiting for documents to be printed. But Mussolini got a big butt. Feel like smacking it. Mussolini likes to drink Horlicks. Hahaha… Ok that’s all for now about Mussolini. Mama Mia.. Amo la Pizza!!!!

Next is General Tomoyuki Yamashita aka Yamashita. Well I don’t know Yamashita’s origin or race. Yamashita could be a Korean, Japanese or from Mainland China. Yamashita sits 2 bays away behind Mussolini. Yamashita got a single eyelid. I always thought people with single eyelid are freaks but not for Yamashita. Yamashita got dopey eyes too. Cute in a way cause it looks sleepy or dreamy. But Yamashita has messy hair. Feel like trimming it off. Yamashita has a metallic greenish-bluish tumbler. That’s all I know about Yamashita. Banzai…Watashi-wa baka des. Oh whatever…

Now the last person I should mention is someone whom I’ve no crush with at all, someone who is nice actually. Let’s name this person Mammoth. Mammoth is almost over half a century years old, quite an old timer actually. The reason I call this person Mammoth cause she is ancient almost prehistoric, she is quite big but not obese, she walks veerrrrrrry slow and she looks hairy and big with the jacket she wore. She is really friendly and nice. So one day, I was walking back to the office with Dalai-Lama from a short rendezvous to the 7-11. And I bought something for Mahatma Ghandi too from 7-11 just to make sure that I’m not forgetting my work partner. So anyway as I walked into the office, Mammoth call me into her cave aka office. Her office is in a terrible mess cause we are doing spring cleaning that day. Mammoth told me to carry out all the rubbish bin cause she can’t bend down and it’s too heavy for her to carry. Poor Mammoth. So I helped her carry the bins while Dalai-Lama helps to tidy up the bones, broken branches, leaves aka drawings, books and what’s not. Once I’m done I, get out from the cave and Mammoth asked me, “Are you Indonesian? Which part of Indonesia are you from? Jakarta or Medan?”. Well I’m not sure if I’m supposed be offended but I said, “No, I’m not, I’m a Singaporean”
And she went, “Opps sorry I thought you‘re an Indonesian, want some kiwi?” Like as if Kiwi will solve every problem. So anyway.. That’s Mammoth for you.

Well I wish I could continue with this entry but I think it’s getting too long winded. I’ve yet to blog about my past weekend. My eyes is like twitching and it hurts like a squeezed fishball. So I will update this coming week with pictures.