Mein Leben - My Life

well the results is out. The lump on my neck happens to be a tumour thus this means I have to go for another chemotherapy.

I'm not surprised that this illness would come back again. Another 6 mths of rotting at home.

I've decided to resign from my job in Dubai even though they told me to come back after my treatment but I guess enough is enough. They asked if I could work in Singapore. Well I don't know if I want to work while having treatment. It could affect my work and jeopardise my team members but I guess I would simply take a good rest for the next 6 months.

So this coming Saturday I would be going back to Dubai, settle whatever is needed and then I would come back to Singapore by end of November.

I'm not sure I want to go back to studying after all these crap cause I'm physically and mentally exhausted.

My brother would be coming back from Kenya to Singapore in 3 months time. That is earliest he could come back. I told him not to worry as I know all the procedures and the outcome of this chemotherapy but somehow he insists that he would come back.

I'm totally prepare for the next session of chemotherapy and I already know how to dealt with it. My parents were shocked initially but after that they calmed down. I guess they too are mentally prepared for the upcoming months.

I'm not sure if I want to shave my hair cos during my previous treamtment, my hair did not fall off as I expected it to be. But then I guess I would just cut it short again. My best fren told me to do a skinhead and tattoo my scalp, what nonsense but at least he is there to cheer me up.

But somehow my life has been empty for years now cos an old friend wasnt by my side... but I'm used to it.

Somehow my evil mind wishes and pray hard that the plane which I would be flying on, crashes into the Indian Ocean. At least its a quick but horrifying death.

I would not be surprised if I don't make it through this ordeal because somehow I'm just tired to fight through. I've wasted all my energies on my previous treatment. So i bid alot of goodbyes instead of hellos during my trip here. I don't know why I did that but I think goodbyes tend to last longer in your memories than hellos.

So I guess this is another ordeal.. but whatever it is I'm not gonna change my perception of people, life or what's not. If they are fucked up, it means fucked up.. LOL...