STUPID NASEHR.....

Arggh the most horrible thing happened to me today and I felt very bad about it. And I mean REALLY BAD…

I went out with JZ today supposedly to Chinatown. Initially I wasn’t keen as I have loads of work to do and also it’s odd to go with someone who is already attached. I wouldn’t mind going out with my other friends who are already attached but not JZ simply because I was starting to like JZ and JZ knows it but I guess fate is not my side. JZ apparently is officially attached last week and I was somewhat dismayed about it. But as I always say ‘swallow with pride, heads up and smile’ but still I’ve been giving JZ cold shoulders and I’ve been very mean for the past few weeks.

So JZ came to Marina Square with a 3rd party. Since the 3rd party was there, JZ decides not to go to Chinatown and I was somewhat pissed with it. I was hoping the 3rd party didn’t have to tag along with us simply so that we could go ahead to Chinatown. Alas after dinner 3rd party went off and I was smiling all the way cause perhaps we could go to Chinatown after all but you guess what? JZ says “Let’s go find a box for my boyfriend” *Gasp*

So we went around the malls looking for a nice box just for the present. One tasks after another. Buying cards, cakes etc etc. Now to tell the truth, I enjoy buying or planning gifts for anyone but I do not why I was kinda vexed during that night. Every little thing that JZ does pissed me off to the max. Maybe it’s because knowing that I couldn’t have a relationship with JZ apart from being just friends that triggers off my emotion. Apart from that I’ve to listen to JZ mentioning about the boyfriend. You know how irritating that is? We were practically dashing from one place to another because I want this outing to end as quickly as possible. I didn’t know JZ had an abrasion to the foot sole. I mean I heard JZ mentioning about it when everytime I told JZ to hurry up. It’s only when JZ showed me the bleeding sole that I realized that JZ indeed had an abrasion. Felt so bad about it that I had to get a plaster from the pharmacy. =( I was just getting to be nice to JZ when the boyfriend send a SMS and JZ has to rub in my misery by telling me the content of the message.

Went for dinner. I was very tense and uncomfortable especially when JZ keeps on SMSing to the boyfriend and showing me the content. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve to roll my eyes that night that right now I’m an expert in all forms of rolling. Rolling on the bed, rolling the dough etc etc; Of cause not to show that I’m such a sour grape, I just listen to all what JZ has to say pretending to be interested. Actually I would be interested to listen if it wasn’t JZ.

I was so annoyed that I decided to SMS Olivia (I don’t know why I’ve to message Olivia but I think last night Olivia is probably free to listen to my rants). And so my SMS sounds like this, “OMG, I’m so glad that JZ is not my partner. I’ll tell more you later” .

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? INSTEAD OF MESSAGING TO OLIVIA, I SENT THE MESSAGE TO JZ !!!! LIKE OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHH!!!!!!

What’s worst is that, JZ is in the toilet and I’m outside waiting. When JZ came out from the toilet, I immediately told JZ not to read the message that I’ve just sent. Unfortunately JZ has read it and sounds crossed. I’m not sure if I should laugh or cry but either way I wish someone should just kill me. I was so embarrassed totally and I felt very bad. I know JZ is angry about it and as we went up the escalator JZ seemed to tear. People who are very crossed tent to have fluctuations to the voice pitch and that happens to JZ. I didn’t look at JZ when we parted at the train station cause I was so embarrassed.

On the train, I kept on grinning and frowning. I grinned when I sent a message to Olivia to tell her what just had happened and I frowned when I messaged to JZ to apologise. I’m not if JZ forgave me but I won’t be surprised if I’m not forgiven. =(

Sigh it’s true when JZ told me that I took the friendship for granted. Come to think of it I do take JZ for granted in one way or another. I mean JZ is really a down to earth person, simple and has lot of patience especially when it comes to dealing with bastards like me. I should have cut some slack. I’m totally loss. Though I don’t harbour any feelings towards JZ, I still do treasure the friendship though. =(

SIGH… Olivia why do you always have to put me into trouble???

I’m SORRY JZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!